Tuesday's Question ...... I dare you to respond!

Are you a leader, a follower, or an observer?

I would have to say I am a little bit of all three.  I think we have to be to truly learn.  However, I think most of my life I have been an observer.

I have never been completely comfortable in my own skin.  I have always been searching for other peoples acceptance.  I never wanted to disappoint anyone, so I adopted the idea if I don't try I can't fail.  If I tried and I wasn't sure of the outcome I would quit.  My fear of what other people thought of me controlled me for years.  At 35 I am trying to break that cycle for myself.  That is one of the reasons I have started this blog.  I want to find myself, my true self.  I am also hoping that while on this journey I can help others find themselves, also.

I've always been outspoken. I can defend myself.  I would never follow someone when I didn't agree with what they were doing. My problem was I was scared to ask questions.  I didn't want to offend someone or look stupid.  I think  many people that know me would say that I am a leader.  What they didn't see was my embarrassment.  They didn't see how inadequate I felt.  They didn't know that I would laugh at their innocent jokes(about me), but would cry inside because that is how I really felt about myself, and by them making jokes in my mind it confirmed that they felt that way about me too.  I think it is because I am outspoken that some feel that I am a leader.  I have many ideas, but no follow through.  If I fail I will prove that I really don't have anything together. Since having my son I have had parents come to me and tell me what an inspiration I am to them.  I always have a smile on my face.  They tell me they wish they were so positive.  These comments make me laugh, because I feel completely lost. I feel like I fail as a parent everyday. Not in the way you might be thinking.  My son is well taken care of and very much loved.  I feel like I don't do enough for him.  I feel like I don't know the system well enough to get more services, a better education, and so on. Now, I don't want to make this a pity me post. I recognize that you have to point out your problem areas to be able to overcome them.  And for me and my son I will overcome them.

Now back to the main question.  Are you a leader, a follower, or an observer?

I don't believe one of these positions is better than the others.  I feel that you have to be content with yourself.  It is only when you are not happy with yourself that you need to make a change.  Be proud of which ever posistion you are and own it.  Now can you be so honest?